This past week has been absolutely stupid. (And for those who still think that stupid is a bad thing, from now on I mean it to be: “me with my jaw dropped amazed at how little control I have over my life but in awe of how God leads it.”)
As most of you know, I almost lost my trip to Uganda this past Monday. I received the most devastating news I could imagine at the time. My new facilitator at AIM told me in a very straight-to-business voice that I was to overnight the total amount of my support to them the next day or my trip was canceled. My total support was $8127, I had about $3860 A simply request on her part you might think. What she had in fact told me, at least in my human eyes that forgets the power and plan of God, was that I was not going to do the thing I had dreamed of since freshman year, that I lost my spot at a top university, and that all the things I thought God had laid out in front of me were over. I made it through dinner with my friends that night not letting on that I had just received what I thought at the time was devastating news. I left as soon as I paid the check, and the moment I got in my car, I started sobbing. In the forty or so minute drive home my eyes were so welled with tears I am surprised I did not get in an accident.
I am pretty sure that God was watching this whole thing just thinking, “Seriously? This girl needs to calm down, does she not know who I Am?” I came home and told my parents what was going on, knowing full well that I could not ask them to front me over four grand. They simply did not have it, and I did not feel right asking for it. But God has that sense of humor, and through a series of events including a Facebook group, amazing friends, family, people I have met a few times, people I haven’t talked to in years, and people I don’t even know God raised over $3700 dollars in less than 48 hours. What? Just think about that for a moment. That is crazy. That is amazing. That is but the WHISPER of God’s doing.
In the midst of all this a friend showed me this verse; "And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him! Who then can understand the thunder of his power?" Job 26:14" Raising that much money in so little time, I mean to me that is a miracle. But that is just a whisper. I have been scared, worried, anxious that maybe I am not supposed to go, or that I am misinterpreting what God is calling me to do. But if just his whispers can do miracles like that, I cannot wait to hear the thunder when I hit the ground in Uganda!
I am ashamed to say, though, I am still very scared to go. Sitting around saying goodbye to friends the other night, hearing them talk about roommates, classes, schedules it finally hit me that I am actually going. This has been an idea, a hope, of mine since the very beginning of freshman year. I never actually believed it would happen. I am doing something completely different from everyone I know and I am kind of petrified of that. I even had to call a friend tonight to get him to give me a pep talk to tell me I was doing the right thing so I could calm down. And as I sat tonight looking at a map of where exactly I would be going and assembling an itinerary for my mom, I realized they aren’t exactly Disneyland safe. Anything could happen, I could get really injured or even die. Ok maybe it isn’t that dramatic, but that is where my mind has been going tonight.
But God is amazing. As I repacked my bag for the third time , begging it to be under fifty pounds, I opened up the journal I am going to be taking. In the front of the journal I have jotted down a few quotes and verses that have really been speaking to me as I prepare for this new phase in life. I sat there scared, glancing but not really reading, and my eyes fell upon a quote from The Iressistible Revoltuion: “If you’re wondering whether you’ll be safe, just look at what they did to Jesus and those who followed him. There are safer ways to lie than by being a Christian. And there are cooler ways to live than by trying to follow the gospel….So live real good and get beat up real bad. Dance until they kill you, and then we’ll dance some more. That’s how this thing seems to work. (IR 241-242).”
Everyone I tell about this trip tells me to be safe, but I would rather not. Right now, God is telling me this is His plan for this next adventure. For me to listen to the thunder, to live a dangerous life for him, to break away from the norm, and to remember, He’s got it under control. That’s how this thing seems to be working. Let’s start this dance!
P.S. – Thank a hundred times over to those of you who having been praying and supporting. It means so much to me, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all that you have done and are doing!
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